All Over

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Certain things turn ugly when you think too hard
And nagging little thoughts change into things you can't turn off
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Do you really think I'm made of stone baby?
C'mon!
That we only love the things we own?
Baby you're wrong

Certain things just happen when you make no plans
And love can really tear you up and it can break you down
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong

It's all over but the crying
Fade to black I'm sick of trying
Took too much and now I'm done
It's all over but the crying

Baby we're done

If I could I would
I'd change everything
Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me
Now I can't walk back
I can't leave behind
Where does it go all the light that we had?

Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone

Baby we're done

History Repeats Itself

In the last 2 years I have been faced with situations that so closely mirror incidents from my past that I can't call it coincidence. Amazingly, these familiar situations are some of the things I have deep regret about. So, I accepted that perhaps, I was being given a chance to right some of my wrongs, to heal from some of those things that hurt me the most. I have tried to become wiser, more patient, more loving and caring and open as a person. A better wife, a better mommy, and a better friend, and while I still stumble some days, I am grateful to accept my life as it comes, changing the things that I am able to change, and no longer resisting the things that I can't.

But recently, I have been faced with a situation that seems to resemble two defining moments in my past... it's as if the two things have merged into one somehow and because only one course of action is allowed, I am left wondering which thing I am to do over again, and which thing am I to change? And the fact is, I just don't know the answer. These are the times that I feel I am really being tested - to see what I have learned, how far I have come, and whether I will appreciate or completely discard the opportunity to right a past wrong.

So here I sit at this fork in the road wondering which way to go and sometimes wishing I could simply begin walking backwards to the point that brought me here.

Insensitive

i feel as though i am in a constant state of self psycho-analysis. Constantly pondering why I do the things i do, say the things i say, feel the ways i feel. Lately, ive realized that I am quite insensitive at times. Almost as though I am disgusted by certain ailments of certain people. And it's as though I can never look at them the same again, now seeing them as weak or whiney. This is abnormal. and, it's rude.

And as most emotionally damaged people do, I blame my mother. NO REALLY! lol. my mother's life according to her is a story that would be written into several novels. Imagine all of the most horrific things you have ever heard or ever seen in a movie, or ever read about, and she has experienced them all. that is because she draws her inspiration from all of those horrific things you have ever heard or ever seen in a movie, or ever read about. i also believe she is a hypochondriac, just as her mother before her, and her mothers mother. after many years of wondering what exactly is truly wrong with her, i have come to believe she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Anyway, her overly dramatic style makes me so uncomfortable - mostly because as the words escape her, she seems to forget i lived in the same house and none of it is true - that i cant look her in the eye, cant offer compassion - not even for the fact that she IS sick in the sense that she makes these things up.

And so this has spilled over into my life and now that i realize it, i am obligated to change it. or am i? i am not one to be cold when someone tells me their woes. I will gladly listen, lend a shoulder, offer advice if i have any. But when the stories go on and on, when the same scenario is presented to me over and over and ive already listened, and ive already lent a shoulder and ive already offered any advice i may have, then i dont want to hear it. And then i become disgusted by the sound of it. as well as the person spewing it.